As Marriage & Relationship Coaches, we do understand that the quarantine has been challenging for many couples. Since being quarantined, many couples are screaming, “Get me out of here!” On the other hand, during this time, there are many couples who are growing closer together and building on the vision and dreams that God placed in their hearts to do. Whether you have been growing apart or growing closer, we want to help you change your quarantine time from fault finding and feeling frustrated to building friendship and focusing on the future.
4 Tips to help you change your quarantine time from fault finding and feeling frustrated to building friendship and focusing on the future
#1 – Find out your spouse’s primary love language and make a personal 21- Day Commitment to show them their love language. To find out one another’s love language click here and complete the quiz for couples. It is very important while you are enclosed together to be intentional about showing your spouse love in the way that makes him/her feel loved. We give love the way that we want to receive it, but most often in marriages the way that we desire or feel love is opposite to the way that our spouse desires to be loved. Again, the key will be your 21- Day Commitment to showing your spouse his/her love language.
#2 – Ask to have passion filled conversations – This is a conversation focused on a topic that your spouse loves, is passionate about and would want to talk about for hours. You want your spouse to feel your eagerness to learn more about something they are passionate about. Ask them to educate you, inform you, and help you to gain a new knowledge and perspective from their belief and understanding. People always ask us – “How do you love to spend so much time together?” and our response is – “We are best friends and enjoy one another’s company.” Best friends normally have something in common and they love talking and spending time together. While going through quarantine, you want to create conversations that bring joy, make you smile and feel relaxed with no stress. So, remember while you are talking about your spouse’s passion you cannot put them under any stress.
#3 – Grant your spouse permission to change 1 thing with no pressure- Now this is probably the most challenging because you are giving your spouse freedom to make a choice that you could totally disagree with, but you have to live with their decision. The goal here is reverse psychology. During quarantine, instead of you being mean, frustrated, and stressed; you are showing your spouse that the quarantine is bringing out the best in you. Your spouse will not be able to believe that you are really going to accept their request for change. However, you are simply creating a new space of compassion and acceptance in their heart. Trust us, you are sowing seeds for your future, that will produce abundant patience and a desire to satisfy you in return.
#4 – Provide your spouse “me time space” – We know you are saying, “Come on, you are wanting me to give them everything.” However, we are asking you to make the sacrifice during quarantine to ensure that your spouse feels as if he/she is your number one priority. Remember, the goal here is to reduce stress and frustration from the relationship. The difficulty for your spouse is primarily coming from within with things such as pressure, worry, stress, and frustration. When you provide and ask them to take “me time space” you want to share with them that it’s your desire for them to get quiet, relax their mind and not focus on the pressure. You want them to know that you are in this together as a team and you both are going to come out better, stronger and with an increased love and appreciation for one another.
The question you want to ask yourself is, “How will we use this quarantine time to strengthen our marriage and relationship?” It will require discipline and commitment, but it took that for you to plan your wedding, to graduate from college, to start your career, etc. This is not new to you, but it’s all about looking at this time as a challenge to improve your relationship. We know you can do it and we are counting on you to win.
Remember healthy marriages don’t happen by chance, they happen by choice!
Coaches Martez & Woodrina