It is easy to get upset with our spouse for something that he or she may have said or done. We even get upset over things that they do not say or do. As a result, we take offense and begin to ignore them or become short in our responses to them.
How can we change our response and stop that cycle?
First, when you feel offended by something that your spouse has said or done or may not have said or done; do not react, instead remind yourself that he/she is not your enemy and that you are both on the same team.
Second, instead of holding in your feelings, assertively communicate how you feel and what was said or done that offended you. Assertive statements always start with “I” and include how you feel.
Third, make a commitment to yourself to not react, but to always assertively communicate how you feel with your spouse. Regardless of your spouse’s reaction, you are only in control of your reaction. When you allow offenses to go unspoken, they fester in your heart and mind and turn into resentment and anger.
However, you have a choice to change your mindset in your relationship to one of grace. Grace is showing love and acceptance without expecting anything in return and it is not based on the actions of others. When you have a mindset of grace in your relationship, you are less likely to blame or walk in unforgiveness. Grace is full of encouragement, while blame is full of judgement and condemnation.
When we extend grace to our spouse, we show them unconditional acceptance for their differences – those personality traits that just seem to irritate us the most. As we give them grace, we learn to accept those differences. We learn to appreciate those differences and grow to love them.
How can you give your spouse grace today?
Coaches Martez & Woodrina