Tip 1: Resist playing the blame game
When overcoming an affair one of the biggest hurdles that stand in front of your heart regarding forgiveness is blame. Blame does so much damage to your thoughts because the root of blame is hurt and at the core of hurt is pain, bitterness and anger. To truly forgive someone from the pain of an affair you will have to let go of the pain, bitterness and anger which are all caused by blame. When you are able to find the responsibility role, in which you played regarding the affair, then you will be able to show more compassion and be more tolerant to hear the reasons that may have caused your spouse to break the bond of trust.
Tip 2: Grant Your Heart Permission to Forgive Daily
This will probably be the most challenging part of the healing and restoration process. This is due in part to the fact that most of us are taught from childhood, that cheating in marriage is the cardinal sin where there is no forgiveness. With this thought in mind, this is the number one reason why you have to tell yourself that it is OK to forgive. There is a requirement to do this daily because for almost 24 hours a day, you are going to be engaged in a mental and emotional battle. Again, the key is, as you forgive you are allowing grace to enter into your thoughts of anger and hurt. This process is one that works, but during this time patience and compassion will cause things to begin to turn around sooner than later.
Tip 3: Communication Removes Frustration (talk, talk, talk)
Talking to one another is one of the most effective ways of destroying negative and condemning thoughts. Most of us can recall when we first fell in love; we could not wait to hear our spouse’s voice. This is what you need to remember during the healing process, hearing your spouse’s voice is crucial to successfully restoring the marriage. The more you and your spouse communicate truthfully and openly about your emotions and thoughts, the better you will feel each day.
Tip 4: Accept the Truth Even When it Hurts
The truth only has mental power to heal when it is received with an open heart and mind. If a person has a closed mind, the truth will have no effect on their life. Truth is like the antidote in the shot you must receive to cure your body of an infection. The shot may sting a little, but the pain does go away. When you are getting a shot the nurse asks that you relax your body and calm your mind. This is the same with the truth coming from your spouse, if you are relaxed and willing to hear the truth, it will sting when you first hear it; but the pain will go away.
Tip 5: Move into Action by Taking Baby Steps
It is not a good idea to just assume you can do things the same way you have always done in the past. The baby steps represent being cautious and careful not to emotionally hurt your spouse. As with babies, you have to watch how you pick them up or lay them down. As with your spouse, you need to be careful with the words you use and your body language. There is always a need to show a greater appreciation, love, concern and patience when taking baby steps to restore your marriage.
I hope these tips help you to restore the love and trust in your marriage as it has done for me and my wife. Again, these 5 proven tips to restore your marriage after infidelity were not practiced or learned in a classroom, rather these tips were proven in the personal recovery for our marriage.